Another day goes by...

"Tinka Tinka, Zara Zara...
Hai Roshni se, jaise bhara...
Har Dil mein armaan hote to hain,
Bas koi...samjhe zara..."

Kya wo "koi" kabhi samajh payega mere dil ke armaanon ko?? Nahi, kabhi nahi...
Too much of meaning isn't it? I dont know why, but this song brings jitters...coz it reminds me of many things. Today is Valentine's Day and this day, at one point of time held high value in my life. But so much has happened, that now this eventful day just goes by, just like any other normal day. Yes, I am missing him today...a lot. But more than that, I am regretting falling in love at all. Well, people reading this blog might be already getting bored, coz this one sounds a bit too senti...but that's how I am...I emote, and I will do so if I am in pain. How does it feel when you love and you lose? Terrible isn't it? How does it feel when you decide not to become a couple bcoz u were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone bcoz your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?? Have you ever noticed that the worst way of missing someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them…when the moment you cant feel them under your fingertips…you miss them?? Does anybody have answers to these questions?? No. Noone does...I'm sure. But I know just one thing...that I love him, inspite of all of the above questions holding true in my life...yes, I love him. So what if he isn't mine?? People might stop me from being with him, but not even God can stop me from loving him, coz thats the most divine feeling I have for him. As I have always said, he dwells in my heart, he lives within me...in my soul...yes, in my dreams, he's mine...I don't know if he knows this, and I don't really care, coz that's not important.

There is a void in my life now...I miss being with that special someone on this day, getting all the attention, feeling special for him...I miss all of that. I hope the day is not far when I will meet the man of my dreams...but here is an underlying truth. I don't think I can love anybody so much ever, the way I have loved him...coz he is someone who has taught me many things in life. He has been my mentor, my guide, my best friend...he has taught me how to face reality, how to overcome my worst fears...Boy!! I'll miss him, and I know I have lost the most precious jewel of my life, to maybe someone else...but its all my fault...my mistake...I was late, very late to realize what I felt for him. And so, by the time, I could speak up, it was too late...he was gone...out of reach...

But yes, I have some memories to myself...which are mine, just mine...nobody has rights over them. They are just for me, and I am thankful to God that he was generous enough to give those unforgettable moments in my life. And with those memories, I have made my own castle of love, of romance, affection...well, my own castle of dreams...I know we haven't wished each other a happy valentine's day, and I'm sure we wont be doing it either...but I want to wish him, and I'll wish him here now...I know he'll get my wishes very late...maybe when he reads this...and I don't know when that day would dawn, coz he has no idea of this blog, but anyways...A Happy Valentine's Day to you dear...

"Every night in my dreams
I see you...I feel you...
That is how I know you, go on...
Far across the distance,
And spaces between us,
You have come to show you, go on...
Near, far, wherever you are...
I believe that the heart does go on...
Once more you open the door,
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on" forever, and ever and ever...love you...